Me and My Journey post 6

I admitted I have major depression and PTSD, but what can I do? Maybe I just need to get away, that might help. I went to FL. tried to forget everything, I was running away from my problem. I just wanted to start over deny I was having problems, and going to FL. where no one knew me or knew I had depresion and PTSD. I stayed with a friend and her family,prettending nothing was wrong. I could start over, well running away soon caught up with me, when I was taken to the hospital because I was having problems swallowing. The doctors there told me I had a dic out in my neck and if I had waited 2 days I would have died. While in the hospital I was there for 2 weeks waiting on surgery and then recoveing from surgery I relized how alone I was, how I missed my family in Ohio so bad I would lay there and cry. When upon getting out of the hospital and giving myself time to heal I relized just how depressed I really was. How stupid I was to think by just running away would just let my depression and PTSD to disappear, I was so totally wrong. I was still not sleeping due to the fact I would relive that dreadful day when my husband died, along with missing my family my daughter my son and my 3 grandkids. I was so toren apart, not wanting to be a failure and run back home, but deep inside me I wanted to get home. Running away, trying to forget, that is never a good thing to do. My friends husband wanted me to meet his boss, they thought it might help and maybe I would stay, well that soon proved to be another problem, this man started out so nice, wanting to spend time with me. Meanwhile my firend and her husband was going to open a resturant I told them I would stay and help, still going to see George, and working took some of my thoughts away for awhile. I was okay on the outside but within I was longing to go home. I soon found out George was not the type for me, when one evening while we were sitting at his house he just hit me for no reason, I left went home and the next day while helping in the resturant my friend saw the bruse, it was the size of a grapefruit. I promised I would stay and help, but soon I was so over come with my depression and PTSD along with my missing my family, I was becoming someone else, I started drinking , it was so easy for me to drink other than face another night or day with living the same day over and over, the day my husband died. when I would drink I would not feel so bad. I stayed for a year in FL.helping get the resturant up and running good. My drinking became a real problem as long as I had a drink everything was good, well that was good for me anyway, but my friends soon came to me and said you have a really big problem,your drinking is getting out of control. I never drank before they were right I do have a problem. I ran away from depression and PTSD so I thought, but now I was creating a new problem, I was not me any more I was turning to a bottle for help, it was time for me to get home go back to Ohio before I turned into a drunk. I needed help from someone help to find myself. I must come clean I can't go any further with telling everything thats the only way I can truely tell my story and help others while helping myself, so here goes, while in FL. I smoked pot for the first time in my entire life yes not even as a teen did I use pot. It was so easy to get, I had made other friends and soon smoking pot was a every day event. WOW okay so now you know my whole story thus far. I got back to Ohio and soon went to what we call the center for help. I was put on meds to help control my depression, and my PTSD. It soon became so much of a pain to go there everyday. The meds helped, and I thought every thing was okay with me I stopped going, after about 5 months my depression was back. My dreams soon turned into a nightly event and I was even living the day my husband died over and over even while awake.