Me and My journey--post 2

We even had to change the way we eat, there are some many things he was not allowed to have.After about a month of going to the center 3 days a week, he woke up one day to find his pillow covered in blood. I really freaked out that day..I took him to the hospital, where the doctor discovered he was very sick. ( see while getting your treatments at the kidney center they have to give you heparin ) The doctors found him to be allergic to heparin, in reality the heparin was eating all his white blood cells, he had turned purple every where. The doctor told me its not good, if his level fails any more he will die. This doctor was a dedicated he would go home and research things to help. This doctor found something he told me this is the last resort we have . They put IVS and gave him this medicine after a month in the hospital he recovered.All of this was taking a toll on my body, there was days I just wanted to sit and cry, but I couldn't do that we had a long road ahead of us. I think even tho I was wearing myself out I really noticed the effects on my body. There was so many times he was put in the hospital for weeks at a time. I wont go into all of that, but that's the start of my depression and I had no Idea, only because I was so concerned and worried, and knowing that I had to be strong . The doctors then decided to place him on HOME DIALYSIS, because of the heparin. Now I really had to learn it was all up to me to do this. He would still go to the kidney center once a month for his treatment update. Doing the treatment at home was nerve wrecking, but I did it. I had to learn how to hook him up to the machine, how to read the machine, what fluids went in and what came out. I had to know how to monitor everything. I had to now what grade of fluid to put on the machine if his blood pressure was up, what to put on if his blood pressure fell. There was so much put on me, I didn't mind doing this.I had sheets of things I had to keep track of. I would take his blood pressure 4 times a day, write it on the sheet along with the fluid out put and the grade of fluid I had use. I kept track of his inventory of supplies and ordered all the things he needed, the bags of fluid, the tubing everything. When we would get the supplies delivered they would bring 96 cases of fluid at a time plus the tubing we needed and the masks to cover our face to keep germs out..wow finding a place for all that was something....Then I had to learn to give him shots, I would give him 3 shots a day..Yuck I never thought I could give a shot I hate needles but , but I did it. We had so many changes with his treatment, we first only had to hook up at night, but his treatments seemed not to be working, we went from 6 hours on the machine to 12 hours every day.

Me and My journey--post 1

Hi and thank you for your visit to my blogg. Back in and through out history depression has always been there. It was just something you did't talk about, much less talk to a doctor about. Many people thought is was something to be ashamed of, something to hide away, and never to surface again. Thank goodness those days are gone, or at least they should be. My blogg is not intended to give advise nor diagnosis any one. I am here to tell my story as I progess with my struggles. Wow this is hard for me, I never thought I would be able to talk about my problems, much less write a blogg about them. So here goes. I have been struggling for some time now,my ups and downs, my mood swings, and sadness. It was like some big dark cloud hanging over me. I felt tired all the time, wanted to do nothing but sleep, just shut the world off. I would say this all started back in 2002 when my husband was diagnosed with end stage renal failure. Wow to hear those words sent a numbing sensation throught my entire boday, I sit there , I could'nt move. The Doctor said I am so sorry to tell you this, both of your kidneys have shut down. They admitted him to the hospital and put a line in him for his kidney diaylsis treatment. I felt dead, I wanted to run as fast as I could, Then it hit I said to myself I have to put my fears,my tears away... I had to be strong for him and the kids. He spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital, I was by his bed side all night, leaving just long enough to get a clean change of clothes and a cup of coffee. My days from there on were sitting by his bed all day, I would steal a nap when he would be asleep. When he was released to go home I thought things would settle down for me. I ran myself ragged, this is when I noticed things changing with in myself. This is when that dark cloud came over me. I became shut away from the world, I had to take care of my husband. I was so scared, I felt so alone, what am i going to do, how am I going to take care of him. The next few months were hard to deal with, watching him go sit at the kidney center hooked to a machine 3 days a week, for 4 hours a day cleaning out his system, taking all the poison out of him, they were cleaning his blood. He would get home and become very sick from the treatments, getting better just in time to go for another treatment. I had to learn so much about taking care of him.